The End of a Decade

The decade is almost over, crazy isn't it? 

I didn't realize how much happened between 2010 and this year until I started looking back...

My family in 2010:

My family in 2019:

//I met my first best friend.//

Had so many firsts...

//Dyed my hair for the first time.//

//Self-published two books that I no longer speak about. :P//

//Became allergic to latex.// 

//My step-great-grandmother passed and my great-grandfather passed as well.// 

//I flew for the first time.// 

//I watched the church congregation I grew up in die.// 

//Joined a new church congregation.// 

//I felt the weight of the fear of losing someone for the first time when I fell in love with our first foster child, who we thought we wouldn't be able to adopt.// 

//Started highschool.// 

//Started this blog!!//

//Found my love for photography.//

//Met my three other future siblings.//

//Started going through the process of adopting them.//

//Adopted my four siblings. <333// 

//Found out I had an impacted molar and went through surgery to attach a chain to bring it down.//

//Got braces.//

//Fought eczema on my hands and legs.//

//Went to my first job interview and got the job!//

//The church we were going to got a new preacher who changed things for the worse.//

//Lost some friends and grew farther apart from others.//

//Started having breakdowns and suicidal thoughts.//

//Started going to therapy.//

//Became a Christian.//

//Left our toxic church and joined our brothers and sisters in Christ in worshiping God at their church building.//

//Quit therapy.//

//Met some of the most amazing people.//

//Took Fishers of Men and had over fourteen Bible studies.//

//Started working out and eating healthy and lost sixteen pounds.//

//Met my best friend.//

//Got my driver's license.//

//Started having breakouts on my face and found out I was allergic to fragrance.//

//Went to Panama on a mission trip!//

//Went to my first summer camp and loved it.//

//Started eleventh grade.//

//Went to my first community college class for dual credit.//

//Got my braces off.//

Wow, I didn't realize how much life I lived this decade, but I am thankful for every second of it.

Every mistake and every tear has led me to where I am now, and I am so so grateful for the journey that brought me here and I thank God for that.

How has this decade impacted you? 


Dear Boy

Dear boy,
I liked you from the moment I talked to you.
It took me months to admit that to myself.

I liked you.
I liked your weird quirks.
The way your shoulders shake when you laugh.
The way your head bobs back and forth when you're agreeing with something.
The way your eyes widen when you're surprised.
The way you laugh under your breath at unfunny jokes.

I admired you for how passionately you prayed.
For how evident your love for the Lord is in your life.

You would say something in a group only to fall silent when you thought no one was listening,
I was.

Dear boy,
It took me a while to get over you.
I knew I had to.
There were so many reasons why you would never see me as more than a little sister.
I knew I had to.
Time was ticking,
who knew when you would meet that girl?
The one you would marry?
I knew I needed to move on because that girl wasn't going to be me.

Dear boy,
I know you think you've found that girl.
I can see the relief on your face as you sit next to her.
I can also see the way she leans away from you.
The sad look in her eyes when she told me that she had agreed to get dinner with you.
The way she's convinced herself that you might be her only option.
The desperation in both of your eyes.
The way she forces herself to smile.

Dear boy,
I'm not saying that she can't learn to love you.
Maybe she is the one.
But right now, she doesn't think you are.

Dear boy,

I'm not saying that I'm the one.
I'm not trying to get you to notice me.
I've moved on.
But I just wanted you to know that you deserve more than a half-hearted "yes".
And I hope one day you'll find out what it feels like to be liked back.
That dizzying, happy, overpowering feeling when you look at someone and they're already looking at you.
I want that for you.

Dear boy,
I was talking to guy this weekend.
He sat down next to me and started asking about me.
We were laughing, singing songs together, and the way he smiled at me...
I felt seen.
Everything seemed to fade away except the sound of his laugh and a fluttering feeling in my chest.
Then, he looks over and I follow his gaze to you and her.
Sitting next to each other like we were, except she's angled away from you and you're desperately trying to start a conversation.

He glances back to me, "Unfortunate," 
I nod, glad that someone else sees it too.
He and I made eye contact, he smiled shyly and I smiled back, and in that moment I wondered if you had ever felt a feeling like this.
In that moment, I prayed you would.

Dear boy, 
You deserve more than you seem to think you do.
There's a girl out there who will laugh at your jokes just because it's you telling them.
There's a girl out there who will look at you like you are the universe--in awe and amazement that she was blessed by you.
There's a girl out there who will want to talk to you as much as you want to talk to her.
There's a girl out there who will always search for you in crowded rooms.
There's a girl who will be just as nervous around you as you are around her.
There's a girl who will put you second next to God and His church.
There's a girl who will fall head over heels for you.

Dear boy, 
I pray you find her.
I pray you to realize that girls like her exist.
I pray you realize that you are worthy of a girl like that, just like I am worthy of a boy like that.

We'll find them, don't settle.

Hahaha, a letter to my former crush. If you liked this post let me know, I can write more for different people.

Also, sorry that the pictures are trash, I took them with my phone and I had nothing else to use for this post.

What is something you wish you could tell someone in your life? 
Have you ever felt like this?