10/22/17

Being Real


            I’m totally stressed and tired out right now for no apparent reason, send help.


    Being real is hard.
            I look at other bloggers, writers, and people in general, and they all look so cool, like they have it all together. It makes me wonder what vibe I give off when people are reading my words…

            I mean, if people read my posts and imagine me to be a sloppy mess of a teenager in desperate need of the prick of a magical spindle, or a bite from a poisoned apple (a hundred year nap, that is effortless? Yes, please), or for all math and science books to be burnt ASAP, they’d be right! 

            But the fact that anyone might think something other than that ^ or “Sheesh, that girl loves books,” totally blows my mind.

            I mean, I’m just me. Gray Marie, a fourteen-year-old girl who has a passion for creative things. A girl who believes that Jesus Christ died on the cross to save her and everyone else from sin and eternal damnation. A girl who would almost rather face a zombie apocalypse than that test or quiz for school!

            Me.

            And I don’t know how I could ever be anything else.

            I still struggle though, and I’m sure you do too, because sometimes in the rush and bustle of life, we lose ourselves.  

            The tragedies. The sadness. The depression. The fear. It’s just so easy to let it all slip away, like sand falling between the cracks in your fingers. Going, going, gone.

            It’s maddening. One second you’re so sure of who you are and why you’re alive, and the next you’re unsure.

            Then comes the crippling anxiety. Are you still you? Or have you changed completely? Do you still have a voice that needs to be heard? DO PEOPLE ACTUALLY CARE AT ALL ABOUT WHAT YOU CARE ABOUT?

            The isolation sets in, and you feel like you are all alone—the only person in the universe who is like this.

            You’re not. I promise. And I want you to know that, I want everyone to know that.

            A girl once asked me why I talk about myself the way I do,  how I laugh at myself and the mistakes I’ve made.

            It’s because I’ve learned that it’s better to laugh at yourself, and because I want people to feel less alone.

            I know how it feels to be lonely. I know how it feels to hurt. I know how it feels to be an outsider.

            Sometimes I still find myself trying to keep secrets. I want to hide the ugly side of me, to erase my imperfections. I don’t want people to see the flaws that I have.

            I have realized something important though, I have wasted so much time trying to hide my mistakes, that I have neglected learning how to fix them.

 


            Being real is hard, it means being brave. It means admitting the fact that I’m not perfect.

            No one is perfect.

            I’m a mess. You’re a mess. We’re all one big disaster.

            But you know what? That’s okay. Every good story has a hero, but if everyone in the story was perfect, who would the hero save?
 


Whew! I hope you enjoyed my rambling, and my very Christian themed post, which I didn’t intend to be Christian themed... *shrugs* this is what happens sometimes when you’re a Christian writer, it sneaks into your writing! XD
What do you think about being real?
 
Happy Writing,

52 comments:

  1. Gray, this was beautiful. I can see so much of who you are in your writing, and it's beautiful. It's so true and sobering. As I was reading this post I identified with all of it. Thanks for being willing to put yourself out there. :)
    ~Faith
    thefloridsword.blogspot.com

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  2. Wow I relate to this so much. *hugs* I think a lot of the time we get sucked into the comparison trap because social media and the like, even though we complain about life on it, really only shows the best moments; not necessarily the truth. For me it can be very hard to "be real" when I'm such a private person in all aspects of my life, online or offline. It's something I need to work on. (Not sure if any of that made sense. I feel a bit like I'm rambling, sorry. xD )

    Also, I love love love the last line. <3 Thank you for this gorgeous and needed post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *Hugs back* Your ramble makes perfect sense. :)

      You're welcome, thank you!

      Delete
  3. Hugs, Gray!!! As someone who just got over a huge hump in her life, I understand this post so much! Thank you so much for the encouragement!!

    Catherine
    catherinesrebellingmuse.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're welcome! *Hugs* I hope you feel better soon.

      Delete
  4. This is beautiful. Thanks for the encouragement I needed today. When I read your posts, I do think of someone who's cool and wise beyond their years. Someone who shows that she's mature. I still think its a fitting description of you. We are all imperfect and this is so encouraging to read, especially today, for me. So thank you!

    <3 <3 <3

    ~Ivie
    iviewrites.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Like, I said, mind-blowing! O_O XD

      You're welcome, Ivie. Thank you for reading my posts and all of your sweet comments!

      Delete
  5. Awww, hugs, girl. Being real, no matter how hard, is far more worthwhile than being fake. You don't have any lies to keep track of. You're going to change throughout your life, but that doesn't mean you're not you. It means God is working in your life and changing you. So keep being real and love whatever version of yourself you see at the time because it is covered in God's fingerprints.

    ReplyDelete
  6. What you're feeling right now is completely normal. Everyone has moments of doubt and I'm pretty sure no one really knows what they're doing with their lives.. They just try really hard and eventually things fall into place! You're an amazing person and I'm sure you'll find your way soon! :)

    www.letmecrossover.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, that's true, everyone does.

      Aww, thank you so much! :)

      Delete
  7. Wow.. you have so many great lines in this post of yours... And I love it! It does seem so many other bloggers have it together... but instead of being jealous, like you say I try to fix the mistakes in my blog (and life) to just keep meeting God where He wants me :) Love this post of yours

    ReplyDelete
  8. I wrote two similar posts!

    http://geoturtle.com/i-by-late-night-libby/
    and
    http://geoturtle.com/bit-of-everything-3/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cool! I read the first one this morning, and I loved it. I'll read the second one, too. :)

      Delete
  9. Omg I completely relate. I think it's normal for people to feel like this, especially when you're young — I mean, what teenager has it together? No-one. You're still finding yourself and figuring out who you are, and that brings so much confusion and self-doubt. But you just have to keep muddling along the best you can... It's the only thing you can do, isn't it? And things will only get better as you get older. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it's normal too.

      True, faith, hope, and love will get us through.

      Delete
  10. A lot of times we feel like we have to wear a mask for others to like us. We feel a need to change ourselves for acceptance. How happy are you when you pretend to be someone else with a different personality? You're you for a reason. If you were supposed to be someone else, you'd be it, no questions asked. Don't spend your life pretending. It's not worth it. We're all insecure in some way and those insecurities tend to change who we are, whether we notice or not. We change ourselves for one day, and then three years later, we find that we're still pretending. We need to stop. Just be real. You can't help others when you haven't even found yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I think everyone can really relate to this topic. Sometimes it feels like 'we're the only one' in so many ways, but we never are. Those 'perfect' people we see aren't nearly as in control as they look.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me too.

      Yep, it's funny how it works. Thanks for commenting!

      Delete
  12. I love your frank honesty, and your willingness to put yourself, and your faith out there. And on top of it--you are right!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ok you have no idea how much I relate to this...I get stressed over the silliest things both in real life and in blogging. <3 This was so beautiful because I feel like you literally read my incoherent mind and put it out there exactly the way I see it.

    You have some wisdom beyond your years Gray <3

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Anna. Thank you so much. <3

      Delete
  14. This is just wow. I don't know what else to say.

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  15. This post is exactly what I needed to hear! Thanks for your honesty, Gray!

    -Madeline Joy
    towerofjoy.blogspot.com


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  16. I'm surprised, Gray, because I thought you were one of those bloggers who had it pretty much together. I didn't think your life was PERFECT, but I assumed that you did way better than me. I guess I'm not the most optimistic blogger. Sometimes I'm on the verge of being quite pessimistic, or maybe too pessimistic?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That just amazes me!

      I've been working on being more optimistic myself.

      I don't think you're too pessimistic, I think your sarcasm is funny and what makes you stand out. :)

      Delete
  17. Lovely post! I agree with what you said about admitting we're not perfect. Admitting we're not perfect is the first step to becoming perfect, because it leads us on a road to improvement. Thank you for sharing your thoughts—they were very uplifting! :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! And that is true, admittance is the first step. ^_^

      Delete
  18. It can definitely be hard to be real, especially on the Internet! I definitely struggle with perfectionism and comparing myself to others when perfection is something that will always be out of reach! I liked how you mentioned we have to be broken in order for our Hero to save us. Accepting that brokenness and seeing the beauty in it is something I want to do more of. :) Cool post!!

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    Replies
    1. Yes, it can! Same, I want more of it too.

      Thank you!

      Delete
  19. I think it’s a little strange we don’t see *more* writers being real. I really respect that level of honesty when I see it. It gives weight to their writing in general, having it confirmed that “Hey! This is a real person!”
    Definitely something I aspire to, to make those sorts of connections with readers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agreed. It's definitely something we need more of.

      Delete
  20. You are soo right girl!
    Just to let you know I love you for you Gray Marie not this perfect at everything girl! I mean that, even though I have only (sorta) truly known you for a little while doesn't mean that I don't love you for you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww, thank you so much! That's so sweet, I love you too, my friend!❤

      Delete
  21. WOW. GRAY. This is beautiful! Let's be a beautifully broken mess together, OK? I love this - it rings so true. We are all a mess, we are all lonely, we are all searching.
    I've been that fourteen year old girl and as an adult, I'm still that girl, but now I realize I have the God of the universe at my side.
    Keep fighting the good fight!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! That is true, God is always by our sides.

      You too! God bless.

      Delete
  22. Being 14 can be hard in profound ways. I mean, most ages are hard, but 14 can be and often is a swirl of tugs and pricks to the skin. God really tests your mettle at 14. I think that's when I really started to (try to) make Him the most important thing in my life. You've got a wonderful community here. If you ever need anything, you know where to find us. I'd be happy to (try to) help with anything, from my position as some 20-year-old dude in college.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is very true, as I am finding.

      I really do, thanks!

      Delete
  23. Lovely post, Gray! :-D *hugs* It really made my day.
    I definitely think we need to be real. *nods* Too many people are hiding behind walls they've made. Oh, and yes! Being a Christian writer, Christ is always shining out of everything you write. :-D
    Thanks for posting!!! XD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I do too, it's sad when people hide their real feelings.

      Really? It makes me happy to hear that. :)

      You're welcome, thank you for reading!!

      Delete
  24. This might be my favourite of your posts. :) Thanks for being real, and I really like your last sentence - it was a powerful and thought-provoking way to end. xx

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  25. 1. I wouldn't call this a "Christian themed" post, it's just you sharing you in all of your realness. Might as well call it a real-themed post which, wait.....
    2. Honestly, I wouldn't have pegged you for a young teenager - you have a wisdom in the way you write, a self-awareness I don't often see in people my OWN age (30, by the way) and a good head on your shoulders. You're a critical thinker, I can tell and that's such an amazing skill to take with you in life.
    3. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how others see you, as long as you can look at yourself and say, "Yup, I'm good with this." and if not, you need only change for you. :)

    On The Cusp | https://on-th3-cusp.blogspot.com/

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    Replies
    1. Wow, thank you so much for your encouraging words, they're greatly appreciated!

      Delete

Hi, wonderful human bean.
I am so happy that you took time out of your day to share your thoughts with me! :)
But please,
• Be kind • Be respectful • No swearing •
I will do my best to reply!

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