8/1/18

Shower Thoughts // a short story


It's been a while since I wrote any short stories, although I went through this phase where they were alllll I wrote when I was younger, now I'm mostly working on my WIPs and stuff like that.

But, the other day I had an idea for a short story and decided it would be a nice break to just play around with writing one. 

Thus, here we are, I hope y'all enjoy and that you guys don't find it terrible! 


          Dark hair runs down my bare back and chest as hot water pelts me. Mist fills the bathroom as the overpowering, yet comforting smell of oatmeal and lemon soap fills the air--it is a childhood scent, one that reeks of nostalgia and bubble baths, while playing with rubber duckies and Winnie-the-Pooh cups. It should be relaxing, yet my body is tense. 

I force myself to breathe. This is just a shower.

It shouldn’t be this hard.

Making myself reach for the comb, sitting dejectedly on the side, I watch as water rolls off its grey plastic like tears, and I realize that my shoulders are shaking.

The best thing about taking a shower is that there’s no proof of crying.
Red puffy face? Hot water.
I’m trembling? Must be dehydrated.
Blood-shot eyes? Darn shampoo. 

My hair is tangled. Tangled from lying in bed all day. Tangled from tossing and turning restlessly. Tangled from being pulled in frustration and worry. Tangled from a week of neglecting to wash or comb it. I rake my comb through it, pulling, yanking, tugging. The tangles refuse to give, so I settle.

Clean tangled hair is a step up from dirty tangled hair, isn’t it?

My razor stares down at me, the blades glinting in the steamy air. Before I know it, my hand is grasping the handle as I slather shampoo and soap onto my legs.

There’s always something about a shower that steals your thoughts away. I think about who I was a year ago. I was strong, independent, confident. I knew what I wanted and how to get it. I thought I was invincible.

Oh, how the mighty fall.

There’s a sharp pain in my leg. I look down to see my razor pressed into my skin. My hand robotically pulls it up my leg, leaving bright angry red stripes. The razor falls from my fingers as I stare at my leg, watching the blood trickle down and get washed away by the water. Pain from the wound fades into a dull ache as I turn off the shower and step out.

I pull on my clothes not bothering to dry off, yanking my jeans on makes me hiss in pain. I glance back at my leg to see the spot already darkening from more than just water. Cursing under my breath, I stumble forward, throwing open the bathroom door and walking past the foggy bathroom mirror without a glance in its direction.

I know what I would see; a weary shell of a person, the washed-out version of who I use to be. I hate looking into my own eyes because I can see it, the sadness and the emptiness I feel. It’s a monster trying to crawl out of its cage, and when I look into my lifeless eyes, I know that someday it will escape. One day everything I feel will crawl its way out of my soul and up my throat. Its cry of anguish and anger over being contained for so long will be audible, piercing the air and shattering the image of happiness I’ve been able to put up for others.

I dread that day. 

But that day is not today, so I take a breath, step out into my room, and leave my shower thoughts behind.





Thoughts (besides shower thoughts, although those are always enlightening as well)?

40 comments:

  1. Love it - and love your cover image. How did you make it/ find the background?

    More on your story: It was AMAZING. Feelings were raw and perfect :) Short stories are tons of fun to write, and probably my first love ;)Now I need to go and work on my short story, been on my mind FOREVER! It's about a good dog-catcher, a story that needs written as most animal control officers are portrayed as bad guys.

    keturahskorner.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you! I found the cover image on Unsplash and I formatted it on Canva. :)

      They are so much fun to write, I need to write them more often. A good dog catcher sounds interesting since they are often portrayed as dumb villains. ^_^

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  2. WOW. This was such a powerful story! *applause!* Even after finishing the story, I'm still wondering more about who this girl is and what happened to her. Amazing job!!

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  3. Wow.

    I have a limited vocabulary right now with how AWESTRUCK I am. This is beautiful. It's painful. It hurts my heart, yet relates to me in ways I'd rather not admit. The pain in my heart, the lifeless feeling...

    You're amazing. You're writing is beautiful. Never stop. <3

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    1. Ahhh, I'm so glad you liked it! I can't remember the last time I was this nervous about a blog post. 😅

      Thank you so much, Ivie. <3

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  4. WOW, I LOVED THIS!!! I loved your imagery, and how you showed that your MC was in pain without telling. It was amazing. <333

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    1. Thank you! It felt really nice to write it, almost like I was letting go of something I needed to lose. <3

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  5. This is a cool story, Gray! :D
    It was beautifully dark, and quiet interesting to think about what a shower does to you.
    -Quinley

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    1. Thanks, it's funny how shower's create the perfect atmosphere for thoughts.

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  6. What are heartfelt short story! I like your writing style!
    -Brooklyne

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  7. wow. Gray, this is amazing! Very raw and powerful. <3 <3

    allisonriera.blogspot.com

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  8. Great job!!! I love all the raw emotion you've pumped into it... wow!

    ellielissa.blogspot.com

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  9. I really liked that. I especially liked the line about showers erasing all signs of crying because it's a good way to show the fact that she cried without just being boring and saying that she cried. It's creative and relatable in the fact that showers can be the perfect storm: a place to be alone with your thoughts, both the good ones and the bad ones.

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    1. Thank you. I've been working on showing instead of telling. :)

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  10. This was so good! I loved all the emotion in it ❤ I really enjoyed reading this! :)

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  11. WOW. It's so raw and emotional and hauntingly well-written!!! Amazing job!! <3

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  12. I love this part -
    The best thing about taking a shower is that there’s no proof of crying.
    Red puffy face? Hot water.
    I’m trembling? Must be dehydrated.
    Blood-shot eyes? Darn shampoo.

    That is utter perfection. Xxx

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    1. Thank you so much, that is definitely my favorite paragraph I came up with, it was a lot of fun to write.

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  13. This is AMAZING, Gray! This is so relatable for me right now, so thank you. <3

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    1. Thank you so much, I hope you feel better soon. I know it can feel like you are alone, but you're not, you're loved, Nicole. <3

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    1. Thank you so much, it makes me happy to hear that!

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  15. Okay, funny story. I'm eating breakfast this morning and start reading blogs posts on my phone. So I'm scrolling through the blogger feed to get to the first post I haven't read yet, and yours catches my eye. I glace at the first few words of the title "Shower Thoughts" and then I read the first few lines of the post "It's been a while..."

    And INSTANTLY my brain goes "Why is Gray announcing that she hasn't had a shower in a while????"

    Like, why brain, why???

    Once I re-read it, I realized what was really going on.

    And then my poor heart. I don't deal with a lot of depression myself, so it's always good, I think, for me to read about stuff like this. Life isn't always kittens and rainbows. And I need to be ready to either help people when they're days are dark, or be prepared for when I, too, might have a time where everything is just /wrong/.

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    1. OH, MY GOODNESS! THAT IS THE BEST!!! XD

      No, trust me, I'm kind of big on hygiene, so if I ever start a post saying that's it's been a while since I've showered please note that either:

      A: I am dying
      B: I want to be dying

      Luckily, neither of those options are the case at the moment. >.<

      Brains are proper weird, yo.

      Thanks, I'm glad this impacted you!

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    2. I feel ya. While I am a get-down-and-dirty farm girl, quite capable of mucking pig stalls and installing fences, I do like to be clean and pretty as well. :)

      Also I realized my grammar was below standard...guess that's what I get for typing on my phone...

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    3. Same! Except not with a farm, but I clean a church so I get pretty dirty doing that. :P

      I didn't even notice, lol... >.<

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  16. This is so vivid! I also love the emotion you pour into your writing. I can't count the amount of times, I've cried in the shower and blamed shampoo for my eyes being red.

    Beautiful!

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  17. This is good. The themes could be tightened up. The prose could be smoother. But those are skills that take a while to develop fully. (I’m still working them out myself.) Your use of specifics in the first paragraph is well-executed. Some of the language was a little clichéd, beyond what you would want, but that’s a pretty trifling issue. This has good pacing and structure (besides the themes being a bit looser than the ideal). A round of edits could make this a very good flash fic, I think.

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    1. Thanks, and thank you for your constructive criticism! I'll keep your thoughts in mind.

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