4/23/19

Why You'll No Longer See Me at Dances


"Are you going to prom?!"

"There's a dance at such and such, you should come!" 

"You should go with my son! He's a senior and doesn't have a date yet, and you two would get along so well!!" 

"I have two tickets... and I haven't asked anyone yet...do you plan on going?" 

"Why aren't you coming to the dance? I promise this one is better than the other one you went to." 

"Wait, why aren't you going to prom?" 



In the span of the four months of 2019, these are a few of the comments I've gotten (and yes, a lady tried to set me up with her son an hour after I met her, don't ask).

Explaining why I don't dance is hard, especially when a few months ago I saw absolutely nothing wrong with it and went to homecoming. It's also hard to explain why I think dancing is wrong to someone who is going to Prom or another dance, so I really haven't.

Instead, I say things like, "Oh, I don't dance." which is true now. But here I am to explain why I actually don't dance anymore beyond a blanket and obvious statement (also it will be nice to just send friends a link to this post, hi y'all).

First, let me show y'all the verse and word that made me step back from dances in the first place:

 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are [these]; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness... -Galatians 5:19 

lasciviousness: sensuality, arousing sexual desire, aexpressive of lust or lewdness: a lascivious gesture.

Now, not all dances are sensual, I danced with a friend at homecoming and I wouldn't say it was sensual at all, but then I don't know how he viewed it. However, I don't think one can really argue with me that the majority of dancing is slightly sensual. 

This leads me to the three main reasons why you won't see me on a dance floor again:

1. I want to avoid sensuality

Like I said, the majority of dances are sensual and really when you think about it just an excuse to touch and hold someone of the opposite sex.

2. I don't want to be a reason someone lusts

Obviously, I cannot control the actions of others, creeps will be creeps, but I can control my own actions.

Psychology Today has a super interesting article about sexual desires and dancing, which you can read here.

The word dance is found twenty-seven times in the Bible but it usually means to jump for joy, but the other times it was condemned, like when Moses found the Israelites dancing around the golden calf. Or when Salome danced before Herod, causing him to lust and we all know where that led. (Matthew 14).

3. As a Christian, I want to have a good reputation. Maybe not all dances are bad, but the stereotype for them often is. Grinding, twerking, after parties, and other inappropriate things that are often associated with them. As a new Christian, I want to avoid looking like or conforming to the world. 


I know this post will be controversial because let's be honest, all of my opinions are controversial now it seems. 

Instead of going to prom I went to a prom alternative with other Christian teens, 
we went to nicer restaurants, played games, and hung out all night. It was a ton of fun.

But before you explain to me why I am wrong and why your prom isn't sinful, calm down. Take a breath.  This is simply something I've decided not to do, I can't make you see it through my eyes and I cannot decide whether or not you'll go to dances for you. 

These are simply the reasons why I no longer dance. 

However, if it really bothered you, I'd encourage you to do your research and decide for yourself so you can feel sound about going to a dance or about not going to a dance. 




38 comments:

  1. Oh wow! I've never though about it that way.
    To be honest, though, I dislike dancing. So, I don't dance anyway. 😆 Still, though. You have some really good points!! I'll remember this!
    Oh, and that alternative party you went to sounds super fun!!!

    Thanks for this Gray!

    ~ Lily Cat (Boots) | lilycatscountrygirlconfessions.blogspot.com

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    1. Haha, I liked dancing before I saw it in a different light, but I was terrible. (ノ≥∇≤)ノ

      It was, thank you! <3

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  2. Hehe; yeah-I don't go to prom or do formal dancing either for those reasons. But I do enjoy doing group dances with a lot of friends. :-D
    That alternative prom looks like a lot of fun!!! Your dress is lovely. <333

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  3. this is a very interesting post! tbh, i'm not a huge fan of dances and i've never been to one. just isn't my thing.

    personally, i think that it depends on the person. certainly dancing can be a sin & can lead to inappropriate situations. but i don't see anything wrong with dancing at a wedding or going to a dance with a friend. i've been to lots of father-daughter dances, and those have been super fun. but i get that those are very different from proms or homecomings, which i have zero experience with. xD

    but i definitely see your viewpoint, and you made some really good points. lovely post, Gray! <3 <3

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    1. And I see your's as well! Thanks for reading!! <33

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  4. I agree. One of the main reasons that I don’t go to dances is because I don’t feel comfortable dancing with a guy just for a night. One of my youth pastors said that he wanted to save his first dance for his wife (and he did!), and to me, that’s so much more special.

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  5. Ooo, this was really interesting! I personally don’t go to dances (like, school dances) because I don’t like dancing in front of people and I think it’s awkward. XD But I do sometimes participate in wedding dances and stuff like that. I definitely see your point of view, though. I feel like a lot of dancing these days just gets really suggestive. :(

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    1. I do question on whether wedding dances cross the line or not, but I'm personally not sure.

      And yes, they are becoming worse sadly. :/

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  6. I have never been to a dance like a prom. Circle dancing is fun and not the same a normal dancing. So that is what my family dose. :)

    It looks like you had fun!

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  7. I LOVE dancing, but I totally get why some don't do it. In fact I was raised believing all that, so I /really/ understand. But now I do just about any dance, and even do hip hop and such. I do it for me, and yes I also don't want to cause anyone to stumble, so I'm cautious when others are around. At the same time I'm trying to create a line where it isn't always drawn, between fun and sensuality. Many would say I've crossed that line, and I think they have good reason to say it ... I don't know if I'm justifying what I do, and I don't want to do something just because I love it, but yeah. I get you and think it's great that you are remaining in your convictions, even if it's not something I agree for myself. If that all even makes sense ;p And that alternate prom sounds like loads of fun!

    keturahskorner.blogspot.com

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    1. Also, my favorite dances are line dances, where you don't need a partner .. or Posties Jig and swing dancing, where you have a partner, but you're sweating too much to notice anything else ;)

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    2. I'm not sure whether line dancing and stuff like that is inappropriate yet, personally, I've been going back and forth.

      But I'm glad you're able to think through everything, that's great. ^_^

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  8. I burst into laughter at number 2. Seriously, did your parents have to tie a ham bone around your neck to even get the dog to play with you?

    Look at the picture on the bottom and compare yourself to the other girls. It's obvious why you no longer go to dances.

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    1. for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.
      -1 Samuel 16:7

      I find peace in that verse. Do you?

      I don't know what made you so bitter, but leaving unkind and frankly gross and uncalled for comments about my appearance won't help you make any sort of point, unless you're trying to point out that you're deeply insecure about something and feel the need to take it out on a stranger on the internet.

      I'll be praying for you, it truly makes me sad for you that you have nothing better to do than this and are so in the dark that you see nothing wrong with leaving such nasty comments.

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    2. Gray is a beautiful person who loves God and feels like she should personally do this for Him. It's a personal standard she has set for herself, and that's very wise. If you feel an urge not to do something, it may not make sense to some, but God knows you through and through. If he gives you a personal warning, then just take it. That's what Gray has done. She being obedient to what she feels God is telling her to do. (Isaiah 30:21—whether you turn to your right or to your left, your ears will hear a voice, behind you, saying "This is the way; walk in it"—Gray is doing what she feels like God is telling her to do. It may be different for all of us, but God knows our need more than anyone else can)

      People don't compare masterpieces. They have too much beauty that would be wasted if compared to any other painting. The same goes for you, Anonymous, and Gray! Comparing your beauty to someone else's will have no good results, we're all loved as the masterpieces we are. <3 Love you both and I will be praying for you guys!

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    3. Wow, that was so uncalled for. Gray is a gorgeous girl, and not just because of her beautiful personality and willingness to learn about and love everyone and God. But even if she weren't ... why be so cruel? It helps no one, only brings more hate.

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  9. I don't think all dancing is bad. I never went to any proms or dances because I do think it puts teens in situations they aren't mentally ready for. There's so much pressure around prom, it isn't worth it.

    However, I respect what you think and feel is a standard for yourself. Always respect your boundries. <3

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    1. That is true about pressure, I always thought I would go, but I never understood the fuss about it.

      Thanks for respecting me, and I respect your boundaries as well. <3

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  10. To quote Ivie, I don't think all dancing is bad. I'm homeschooled, therefore I never have gone to a prom, but I agree with Ivie on this as well... teens shouldn't be going to parties/dances like that.

    I enjoy having "dance parties" with my little siblings and I'm babysitting, and my whole family loves dancing for fun, but I agree with you Gray... some dancing is inappropriate.

    But I have to say... I'd love to go to a formal dance or a ball like they had in Jane Austen's day. I hope someday to get the chance. :)

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    1. I'm homeschooled as well, but I live in a town with a lot of homeschoolers so people throw parties and proms we can go to. And I agree with y'all too (obviously). ;P

      Dance parties with little siblings are a lot of fun!

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  11. Ohhhh totally agree with this! I have never been to a dance simply because the atmosphere isn't going to be what I know it needs to be. However, I don't think all dances are bad...I've danced with my siblings, learned some old-time dances for fun, and basically enjoying dancing before the Lord, which, in all honesty, is the best kind of dancing out there. <3

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    1. That's very wise of you! Honestly, it's the atmosphere that I have the biggest issue with.

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  12. I feel the same way about dancing. I get those same comments too like "Why aren't you going?" Although my family has chosen to not do prom or homecoming, I wouldn't want to go even if I could. XD I guess like you said...it's like holding someone. I really only think dancing would be fine like at a wedding between a bride and groom or married couple. ;)

    And with the Bible mentioning dancing, it's very important to remember that that was something with their culture and when they "danced before the Lord" it wasn't a sensual dance. It was more like leaping, running around with tambourines, clapping, etc. Not anything weird like the modern group dances of today.

    Great post!!

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    1. It's fine between married couples for sure! ^_^

      Yes, that's very true. Thank you!

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  13. Wow, I can't even believe that horrible comment up there. You're beautiful inside and out Gray, don't let anyone tell you any different. But you handled that with so much grace!

    Personally, I was raised in a family that didn't really believe in dancing. As I got older and began to form my own opinions about things, my outlook on dancing has changed a little bit. Dancing in general, I don't see as wrong. Dancing takes in a whole lot of different kinds of dances, and most of them I really see nothing wrong with, like square dancing, tap dancing, etc.

    There are DEFINITELY some kinds of dances that I don't think anybody needs to be doing, lol. And while I don't see anything wrong, perse, with the kinds of dances kids do at the school dances (I'm talking mainly about the slow dances), I TOTALLY get why some people choose not to do it. It's a really responsible decision to make to avoid sensuality in any way, and yeah, I can see how it COULD get sensual and inappropriate for a bunch of teenagers to be doing.

    Like some people have mentioned above, I don't see anything thing wrong with wedding dances... like, I don't think there's anything wrong with a husband and wife dancing together, or even a dad and his daughter.

    Personally, I don't dance and won't just because of my family's standpoint. They don't see it as evil or anything, just something we don't do and they wouldn't really approve if I started doing it... plus I would just be bad at it anyway. xD

    Wow, that was a long comment. Sorry, didn't mean to ramble. xD Long story short, I admire your decision! Whether there's anything wrong with dancing (or anything) at all, it's better to stay away from something if you personally see reason to be cautious. And you're right, a Christian's image is important too, and if you feel like going to dances might mar that a little bit, I totally get staying away.

    As always, great post and stay strong in your convictions! <3

    theonesthatreallymatter.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks, Emily!

      I enjoyed reading your comment, thanks for reading this post!! <3

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  14. I love this! I am so proud of people like you who aren't afraid to stand up for their own convictions! I have a lot of respect for your boldness in faith.

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  15. Right on, Gray Marie! Your points are hit the nail so hard on the head, and I don't dance for the exact same reasons you don't. And I know from experience you can get a lot of criticism from that "oh you don't dance? how do socialize with guys?" "it's not that big of a deal, you're just holding each other and swaying" "wow, why are you so strict with your beliefs? it's just for fun" but stick with your guns, girlie. Don't ever give up what you know is right.

    --Abby

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    1. Same to you! Really, there are so many better and more appropriate ways to meet guys.

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  16. I've never liked dancing for no reason really. I think people should respect your decision not to.

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  17. I can completely understand your reasonings, Gray. Especially with modern dances being rather sensual, I think it's rather prudent that you not go to the regular prom.

    I did go to mine, and while I enjoyed it at the time...I can't help but cringe a little when remembering it. The music wasn't that great and I'm sure I made a spectacle of myself.

    That being said, (and being a former tap/ballet dancer) I totally think that it depends on the dance. Like for example, I refuse to dance the Macarena and most modern ones because they either have dirty lyrics or really sensual movements.

    Ballroom dancing, square dancing, English Country dances (reels, jigs, etc.) Irish dances and other such traditional forms of dancing are acceptable. Contact is minimal and the movements are graceful. As long as you are dressed modestly, there is no danger from any of these dances. Swing and line dances depend on the song (check the lyrics).

    That's two cents from a Catholic, anyway :)

    Catherine

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    1. Thanks, Catherine. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who finds fault with modern dances.

      I think I agree with you that it depends. I'm always glad to get two cents from you! ^_^

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