Here I Am

"If you could change anything in the past, would you?" a friend asked. 

Questions like that make one think.

A year ago the answer would have been "YES!" without a second thought, but now...

Looking back on it all, the tears, the lies, the misdirections, the mistakes, the terrible things my family went through.

Would I change it?

I wish I had grown up in the church, that is one thing that went across my mind, however...

my story now is important and I wouldn't have it if my wish was true.

I realize that every mistake I have made has somehow lead up to this moment.

And I am thankful.

I am grateful for the tears, the sleepless nights, the days that crawled by viewed through bloodshot eyes and a hurting heart because now I am here. And here is a good place indeed.

A memory from not long ago comes to mind as I ponder that question:

// Sitting in my family's van after walking out of a restaurant in tears, the sound of the door sliding open, my mom stepping in.

-Are you okay? 

-Yeah, just tired. I don't know if I can do this anymore, I'm not strong enough. 

A breath. A pause.

Her voice breaks the silence.

-Before I thought everything was out of my control, but now I realize God has given us free choice and that our life is up to us on earth, so I look back on my life now and I think, wow, look at how strong I am. I couldn't have done it without Him, but wow, I did it with Him.  

I realize as I write this that I haven't made it to heaven yet, but wow. Look at how far I've come thus far.

"You are where you are meant to be."

Where are you, friend?
Most importantly: where are you headed? 


  1. Gray. GRAY. <3333 This post is incredible!! Words are failing me yet again. You said it perfectly. <3

  2. So well said. I feel this so much.

  3. Ah my heart. I posted a little snippet on Instagram about how we get so caught up in where we want to be that we forget how far we've come to be where we are. I think this message is so important for people to hear. That the hardships make you who you are and become a part of your journey. Thanks for sharing this. I think of that quote, "You are where you are meant to be," all the time. Because often it doesn't feel like I am where I should be but that's just a feeling (: Much love and respect for you Gray.

    1. That sounds so good! It's such an important message <3 Thanks for reading, friend!

  4. "May you trust God that you Are exactly where you are meant to be". – from the Prayer of Daily Trust and Joy. St. Theresa of Avila (1515-1582)

    You may want to upgrade your sources for inspiration from quick-buck exploitation artists like MHN.

    1. I rather like MHN, in fact I prefer her over Theresa.

    2. That's the trouble with Christianity. It doesn't have a beat you can dance to.

    3. My preferences when it comes to writing style has absolutely nothing to do with Christianity.

    4. What does a positive and motivational quote have to do with being Christian or not Christian? I don't understand the point of the original comment.

  5. So glad you are where you need to be! Blessings!


  6. oh this reminds me so much of my where I was last year in my post "Hard Stuff Makes Soft Hearts" when I told a friend, "I hate that it had to happen, but I don't regret any of it". Of course, the words are STILL hard to say. You love where you're at, but pain is always hard. And yeah ... this is a great post, Gray! I'm glad you're finally coming to that place where you love where you're at ;)


    1. Ohh, I remember that lovely post! I need to re-read it. <3
      Thanks, Keturah. :)

  7. Um wow! That question, "where are you headed?"
    That's deep -- and needed. <3 <3 <3 I always love your blog, Gray!

  8. Wow, this almost made me cry. Thank you so much!!! <33

  9. I love this post so much!

    I found your blog through one of your comments on one of our mutual friends' blogs (scrolling through your comments, and I see that we have many . . . not sure why I haven't checked yours out yet!) and I'm really enjoying looking around!

    Hanne || losingthebusyness.wordpress.com

    1. Aw, thank you!

      Nice to meet you. <3 I think I've seen you around other blogs as well, unfortunately, business keeps me from exploring new blogs as much as I'd love to.

  10. Lovely post! The quote you ended it with is so powerful.

  11. Gray, this is just too beautiful. ♥ Thanks for the lovely post! I really love M.H.N. as well; her quotes are really inspiring!

    p.s. commenting wasn't working for me the past few days, which is why I haven't commented until today :(

    1. Thanks, Ash! <3

      Oh, no! I'm sorry :/

    2. Gray...your posts always touch my heart and provoke me into thought.

      All I can say is, THANK YOU!! I am so glad you are out of that point of your life where you were hurting and that you are now at the point where you are helping other people who are going through the same things you went through!

      You are doing a great work for our Lord!! <3

      ~ Lily Cat (Boots) | lilycatscountrygirlconfessions.blogspot.com

  12. Wow. This is so beautiful. I feel like I say this every time, but genuinely, Gray... THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS. <3


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