8/25/19

Summer is Ending and I'm Really Selfish (surprise!)































I'll admit it, I've been very negative about the starting school year per usual. I've been spending nights tossing and turning restlessly. Dread seems to seep into my bones and quicken my heartbeat when I think of facing another year of feeling like a failure because of scrawled red grades on my papers, another year of passive-aggressive comments, loaded questions, and the list goes on. 

I also don't feel ready. I mean I do, but I also don't. It's a strange conflicting feeling, everything's changing and I hate change but I'm also excited. 

This summer was the best summer of my life so far, and I already know next summer will be even better. However, summer has ended, but I realize that my responsibilities as a Christian haven't.


























Summer has ended and now I am surrounded by people who don't know the truth on a daily basis with my job and my classes.

Summer has ended and here I am again, back with the same old crowds as well as some new ones, except this time something is different... and that something is a someone and that someone is me.

Summer has ended and all I can do is brace myself for the school year and remind myself that I am where I am for a purpose, and I believe that purpose is to help others find Him.

A few weeks ago at a Wednesday service, we started singing a hymn that really made me think, especially since I had been dreading going back to school activities so much. The name of the hymn was You Never Mentioned Him to Me, and it stopped me right in my tracks.

When in the better land before the bar we stand,
How deeply grieved our souls will be;
If any lost one there should cry in deep despair,
“You never mentioned Him to me."


My mind flew to all of my past friends, all of the people who I thought I was one with but it turned out to be an illusion. 

You never mentioned Him to me,
You helped me not the way to see;
You met me day by day and knew I was astray,
Yet never mentioned Him to me.”


I'll admit a few tears might have appeared in my eyes. I know the word Church means "called out" and that's exactly how I felt in that moment.

I realize how selfish I've been, how selfish I am. And I know I can't say I'll never be selfish again but I can say that I'm going to try harder. 

Summer's ending and even more than ever I have to remember that only a few months ago I was so lost and that there are still so many good people wandering, seeking, but lost

So here I am, I'm going to mention Him to them. 




27 comments:

  1. Wow, Gray Marie. That was really good! It's so important to share Jesus with others! You never know what a difference you can make in their lives. Thanks for sharing! :)

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    1. Thank you, Molly! <3 That's so true, thanks for reading

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  2. Are you not homeschooled? For some reason I thought you were. Great thoughts, though. And I hope things go much better than all your dreadings :)

    MB: keturahskorner.blogspot.com
    PB: thegirlwhodoesntexist.com

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    1. I am homeschooled, but I am taking classes at a community college now, have a part time job, and I go to a co-op for homeschoolers as well even though I'm only taking two classes there this year. I'm a very busy and not home a whole lot type of homeschooler especially since I can drive myself now ;P

      Thank you!

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  3. Thanks for sharing this post. It is so easy to feel selfish that it is hard to stop and realize what is going on.
    I hope you feel ready to go to school.

    Loren | plaidandsugar.blogspot.com

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  4. <3 Thanks for this. I've found myself thinking that way, too, at times, and I'm trying to change that.

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    1. <3 <3 Me too, it's hard to get out of the mindset, but we can do it!

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  5. It was lovely to hear your thoughts on this subject. It’s too easy to get caught up in your own small dramas and forget about the bigger picture and all there is to be thankful for.

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    1. Thanks, Evan. There's always a bigger picture. <33

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  6. I can totally relate to that feeling! I live in a way that I hope pulls my friends and coworkers closer to the truth, but sometimes you just gotta SPEAK. And that's really hard for me, but I'm trying to get more comfortable with it.

    I hope you have a good year in school. :)

    theonesthatreallymatter.blogspot.com

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    1. Yes! Speaking is so important and I am so bad at it!! I hope we both get better this year, and thank you! Have a great year as well <33

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  7. Such a great reminder, Gray. Great post!

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  8. I can totally relate to this, Gray! You are not alone. We are called to share the good news about Jesus yet we get caught up in life and we forget. We play right into our enemies hands when we forget to mention God to our friends, co-workers, family, etc. This was a great post and reminder. Thank you, Gray! <3

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  9. It's hard to speak out and your not alone. I will be praying. :)

    astorydetective.blogspot.com

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  10. I saw the post title and was like "mood."

    We just had a few days of low-70's, and for the first few hours, I was all excited and got out a sweater and made some tea...and later in the day I was complaining about the cold and "wishing it was summer again" so that didn't last very long...

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    1. Haha!

      Ooh, that sounds so nice but I'm sure I would complain after a while as well. ;D
      It's so hot here. XD

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  11. I can definitely relate...I'm excited for school but I wish that summer was longer. Lovely post, Gray! Have a wonderful September. <3 <3 <3

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  12. Praying for you Gray!<3 <3 <3

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  13. I'm selfish too. Talking to people about Jesus is the hardest thing, and half the time I end up not doing it at all. I know the struggle and I'll pray for you. <3

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