9/18/19

Driving Myself


My mom always likes to explain my personality through stories of me when I was younger.
I was slow when I started learning how to walk, but when it came Shayne's (my younger brother by two years) turn to walk, he took off.

We both learned how to ride bikes at the same time, I took my time, went extra slow because I was scared of falling or crashing. Meanwhile, Shayne would be outside all day trying, he would fall down and get right back on the bike to crash again and repeat the process.

Shayne was riding his bike before me, even though I was close behind.

One can see a pattern here:

I am terrified of messing up. 



As long as I can remember I could come up with a thousand scenarios of how something could go wrong.

When I do things I want them to be risk-free, I want to get it exactly right, I want to be perfect right off the bat.

Which, is impossible, by the way, but for some reason that fails to register a lot.

I got my driver's license a few months ago and my parents no longer have time to drive me to a lot of places, so I have been forced to drive myself to work, classes, and some social events.

I don't like driving.

Every time I'm behind the wheel, I'm hyper-aware that I could hurt myself, some else, or even cause death. I don't like that.

I don't like that I can't control the scenarios I run into on the road.

I don't like that I'm an inexperienced driver.

 And yes, I know that every experienced person had to start out inexperienced, however, I feel like I should be flawless immediately in everything.

I feel like a ball of nerves this year, and don't get me wrong, life is good. Life is better than it's ever been, but it's full of twists and turns, speedbumps and dips that I failed to see.

My heart is racing, lights always give me anxiety because right now it's green and all I'm thinking is "go", but what if it turns yellow and then red on me?


I think I took the wrong turn, I think I got stuck in the wrong lane.

But it's fine. It's okay, I'm okay.


I'm inexperienced. I might mess up.

And that's okay.

Maybe I'm slightly off track due to a wrong turn, but I just need to breathe.

I'm sure I'll be able to re-route myself.


Just a break from the guests posts that y'all sent me. (Thanks by the way for making September awesome).
What are you learning in life?


30 comments:

  1. Same. One of the reasons I don't like driving that much is the risk... :)
    -Brooklyne

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    Replies
    1. There's so many risks in life for sure, as well as driving!

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  2. I was a terrified little bean when I first was driving myself too. Now after 6 years of having my license, I'm more likely to throw caution to the wind (a little) since I'm so comfortable. You just gotta practice, LOL.

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  3. Oof, I feel the exact same way while driving. There’s too many unknowns for me. I have found that playing music helps sometimes - but it just depends on the day. It can distract me other days. XD

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  4. Driving can be scary. I mostly like it though.

    astordetective.blogspot.com

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  5. This is such a mood <3 I feel your pain. This is totally how I am driving.

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  6. So, yes. I hate driving and I've been doing it for years. also I was much the same when I was younger ;p

    MB: keturahskorner.blogspot.com
    PB: thegirlwhodoesntexist.com

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    Replies
    1. I'm hoping I can learn to like it, I don't hate it but it is scary. :p

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  7. I like driving, but whenever I'm in an area I'm not familiar with, I get sooo nervous and terrified that I'm going to mess up and do something totally stupid. The fact that there are so many other people in cars around me is a lot to take in. o.o

    theonesthatreallymatter.blogspot.com

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  8. I love driving. But the worst part about driving is the other people on the road. Like, you know what /you/ are doing...but what if they aren't paying attention??

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    Replies
    1. Right now I'm afraid I am one of those other people. >.<
      But I cant stand being stuck behind people who don't know how to use their blinker or keep slamming on their break every other second! Like ahhhh, giving me anxietyyyy

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  9. I know how that feels, both in learning how to drive and in so many other things. But the one thing I've been learning is to get past my fear of failing and never giving up, both on myself and also what God has planned for me. And our worth isn't in how much we succeed or how many times we fall, but in Christ. Thanks for sharing!

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    Replies
    1. Ooh, I'm really afraid of failure as well. I hope you learn so much this year and grow in the Lord! <33

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  10. Driving is truly stressful. :P I'm a paranoid person when it comes to EVERYTHING, so I understand exactly how you feel. I EMPATHIZE.

    But yes, it's okay to make mistakes. As my homeschooling mama always says, we learn by our mistakes. :D

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    Replies
    1. Ahhh, it is! I'm super paranoid as well!!

      Your mamma sounds wise. :)

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  11. Still haven't learned how to drive but I am so glad that you've shared this. I feel like I would have a very similar experience.

    Woke Up Twenty

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  12. I was like that too! Still am really.

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  13. I know how you feel. The idea of driving by myself is terrifying, like you said what if I hurt someone, what if I forget to stop etc.
    It'll take time, but you will master the art of driving!

    Loren | plaidandsugar.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. I hope so! I believe I'm getting better, haha

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  14. I feel you with the anxiety part. But just give it time, hon. You’ll get more comfortable as you gain more experience. <3

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  15. I love how all of this connects to life, too. <3 Driving is really scary, and I'm always freaked out, but it will get better, I know.

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Hi, wonderful human bean.
I am so happy that you took time out of your day to share your thoughts with me! :)
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