9/23/19

I'M BACK + Choosing What Choices to Make





GUYS. 

So, a few days ago I asked my mom a question that I feel like most homeschoolers ask at one point:

"Ughhhhh. What do I have to do before I'm done with high school???"

And my mom just casually said, "Oh, after this school year all you have is geometry."

.....

WHAT. 

Then we talked about what I was going to do after high school and I felt my brain melting into sludge, because, whoa.

A year and a half left and I'm out of high school.

Yesterday I was five and running around with a plastic watering can and now I'm almost done with high school?? What????

This brings up questions and choices like:

  • gap year or no?
  • pursue a degree or no?
  • what jobs could I do and how do I get certified?
  • how does one find a man??? People keep saying that "Anyone" would be lucky to have me, so um, please, make this "Anyone" step forward in a year and a half, lol. 
  • when to move out and or where

There are so many possibilities and ways that things could go wrong and just AHHHHH

I also live in a college town, but since I can remember I've never wanted to go to college and still don't, even though I often feel like it is expected of me.

I have friends in college and that's great, I'm glad they're doing so well in it, I just feel like I wouldn't. 

For me, I'd feel like college would be a waste of money. I basically would be paying to be stressed, to pursue something I really don't want and might not use ever, be in debt forever (well, maybe that's dramatic, but still), and do four more years of something that I dislike so so much.


























There's said to be a correlation between high self-esteem and academic success and vice versa, and I feel that. 

Realistically, I know things are going to have stressful aspects to them no matter what, but I don't mind work, and I think I'd even enjoy just going into dentistry or cosmetics much more than stressing over exams for four more years. 

But then I don't know??

The thing is, I'm scared. I'm scared I'll end up unhappy, at a dead end, and unfulfilled in my life. I don't like not being able to know something and let's be honest, futures are usually unknown. 

I guess this is the reality of growing up, we have to do things that aren't always idealistic.

For me right now that is:

  •  finishing up high school
  • doing my best in my dual credit classes
  • researching possible job choices for me so I can support myself in the near future
  •  and of course, first and foremost: studying the bible and become a stronger Christian

Life is a marathon, not a sprint, and I so often forget that.


I feel like all I do on this blog right now is ramble and I'm sorry for that, but my thoughts are just so jumbled that they're hard to unsort into an articulate post. 


What's up with you, friend? 



40 comments:

  1. I totally understand these feelings, girl! You are not alone! The unknowns in life have always been something I fear... But take each day as it comes, one step at a time. You will be amazed at how God opens doors for you in just the right timing! <3

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    1. Thanks, Brooklyne. <3 I dislike the unknown so much as well, sadly it's a part of life :// but I guess that's where trust comes in.

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  2. Pray and be ready to do your best--be it college or trade school or community college or working.

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  3. Don't say that about your posts, Gray! I genuinely love reading them, they're so lovely and inspiring.

    I agree about how stressful times can get, but I also agree with you that life is a marathon and not a sprint. Hoping a path will clear for you <3 <3 <3

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    1. Aww, it makes me so happy to read that, Ash! Thank you, you're so sweet😭 💕

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  4. I relate to this so much. I'm still trying to figure life out and I'm 20. (That could be a scary thing depending on how you take that. xD) Basically, I'm trying to say we're both young. If "Anyone" would like to step forward for me, too, I'd be happy please and thank you. I feel EVERYTHING in this post. <3 I'm praying for you, dear. <3 Love you.

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    1. Sometimes I wonder if life is just "figuring life out", lol, like will we ever know what we're doing? Doubtful. >.<

      Thank you so much, friend! I love you so much. <33

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  5. Choices after High School seem so daunting; I was just poked by this post that I also only have a year and a half left?! AHHHHHHHH
    Wanna panic about choices together?
    - Emma :)

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    1. AHHH, it's crazy isn't it?? We're gonna be okay though :)

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  6. No I love the rambling! Whether it feels jumbled to you or not, your posts always feel very well put together, and the pictures and gifs are always a fun thing to add. Keep at it!

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    1. WHEW! Well, that's all I got, haha. Thank you <33

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  7. Oh man, I GET YOU. Like, ugh wow. My friend's and I were talking about this last night and like, how do you make all those adult choices??? When do you pay your bills???? What is adult?????
    And I get that college isn't for everyone! It makes me really mad when people either have the mentality that EVERYONE has to go to college, or that college is a waste of money for EVERYONE. Um, no? It really depends on the individual PERSON and what they want to pursue as their career.

    But you got this Gray!! (it helps that we have God on our side ;P)

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    1. IKR?? Does one just wake up one day and feel like an adult?? I am confusion???

      Ugh, same here! People are different, people have different goals.

      <33

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  8. Please. Grey. Listen to me. Don't stress. You're not even twenty yet. How long are humans living today? Well into their eighties if not more. You're like, not even 1/4th of the way through your life! Of COURSE you're still trying to figure it out. You have plenty of time.

    I was reading trough the comments and I feel so worried for everyone....like I don't even know how to express it or where to begin other than to just say it's going to be fine. Stop worrying about this macro-anxiety. The world is gonna ebb and flow.

    Take each day at a time. Pray, be thankful for everything you have that others don't. Spend some time trying some new things and see where your interests lie. If you feel like you know what you want to do, spend as much time with people that do that thing as you can to gain experience.

    Guhh I could write a lot more but this is way too long and I don't know if it's even helpful hui hui...

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    1. Thanks for the reminder, Evan! It was needed <33

      And the "try new things" advice is so good, totally going to follow that. ^_^

      This comment was very helpful + encouraging, thank you so much, sweet friend!

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  9. It's scary and exciting! You got your whole life ahead of you, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. God's got you!

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  10. aHHHHHHH, I feel you friend. <33 But please don't stress-you have so much time and so many opportunities ahead of you. God has a perfect plan for your life and He's going to get you where He wants you to be. <333

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    1. Glad to know I'm not alone! And I'm working on not stressing. <33

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  11. Yep, I'm in the same boat. Unlike you, I'm only a sophomore...but time does go by really fast. I'm learning to just serve the Lord one day at a time and not worry about the future! <3

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Time flies! It's super odd how one looks up and five years have passed.
      One day at a time is a good mantra. <33

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  12. heheheh i feel this so hard. xD
    i'm a senior this year and i turned 18 yesterday so i'm seriously freaking out bc what is life and how should i live it??
    also, how does one find a man?? let me know if you figure it out. i'm right here, Anybody!!
    anyways, you're not alone.
    xx mira

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    1. It seems unreal, doesn't it? I'll be praying for you! <3

      And I'm glad to hear from you, Mira. Welcome back. <33

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  13. The big questions of life. I so have dealt with this as well. I'm done with high school, and I still don't know all I want to do. Your not the only one who doesn't want to go to college.
    I don't mind the rambles posts a bit.
    Good luck with finding your way.
    Blessings!

    astordetective.blogspot.com

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    1. It's always good to see that I'm not the only one making the no college choice!
      Best of luck to you as well. :)

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  14. lol, sure are putting those questions out there! "How to find a man?" I tell you, I think most of them have gone off, so we must chase them down ;) But in all seriousness, I think you're doing good just leading the life you have and not worrying too much about everything else. And college is such a waste of money for so many people. I recently read an article that said the only things colleges are good for are "taking your money and possibly giving you an expensive husband". So yeah, if you could go to college for just the man and not pay the debt, it might be worth it ;p
    Also, colleges are so old fashioned, unless you need an actual big degree. You can learn just about everything on your own now with the vast array of available books and podcasts out there. So, don't sweat others expectations, but live a life that's practical and worthy.


    MB: keturahskorner.blogspot.com
    PB: thegirlwhodoesntexist.com

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    1. Welp, they are honest and deserve to be out there, lol.
      Honestly, I agree with you so much on the college thing, I wish it wasn't perceived as vital.

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  15. Time flies by. I am only and 8th grader, but my dad has already told both of us girls (my sis and I) we need to start asking God what He wants us to do, and pray for future husbands.

    Like Keturah said, you don't need to go to college unless you really want to get a certain degree. You can learn a lot on your own. (So this 8th grader has found out.)

    God has a plan for you! Remember that and take each day one step at a time.

    -Lilly
    tidbitsofahomeschoolgirl.blogspot.com

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  16. Yes, I have gone through this, and am still going through this. Last year I had a ton of anxiety and was worried about everything. It was a really hard time, but I learned a really important thing: Don't feel like your life is going to collapse at this point. There are a bunch of decisions, but talk to people about them. Don't do exactly what they tell you, but take in their perspective. Explore new things and find out what you like to do. Most importantly, remember that God is always with you. <3<3<3

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    1. Aw, I'm so sorry that last year was so rough for you, but I'm glad you've found more peace about it <33

      Great advice, thank you!

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  17. Okay first off, huge fan of the I Love Lucy GIFs.
    Second. I love your "how do I find a man" question. I am asking that myself...because I'm told anyone would love me but where is this anyone we speak of? Kindly step up and show yourself sir. ;)

    On a serious note, congrats on almost being done school! I remember the feeling...I'm still kinda there actually even though that was a little over three years ago. Take it slow, don't be pressured, and don't be afraid to follow your dreams. <3

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    1. Haha, thank you! I use to use gifs a lot more and I'm trying to go back to that!!

      <3 <3 <3

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  18. As someone who just started her last year of school and is facing uni applications in less than a month, I FELT this 😥 There's this constant tension to make "the right choice", because what if I choose wrong and end up hating it and being unhappy and missing out on opportunities and and and?? Even though I've pretty much decided what I want to do after school by now (creative writing at a uni near me) I still doubt myself sometimes, decisions like these are scary 😭 I think the best advice I have is to try and find something that you love and makes you happy *now* - don't worry about others' expectations of you or what you think you *should* do for the future, focus on the now. If you don't think college is for you, then you shouldn't go. You have plenty of time to change your mind once you're older. 💖✨

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    1. Oof, I feel you as well! The fear of missing out is way too real.
      That's great advice and best of luck to you. <33

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  19. You do not need a man to be a whole person. I just thought I would at least say that. Focus on what YOU want to be (whether it be one or multiple things, you could turn out to be a renaissance woman for all you know.) And focus on what makes you happy. Marriage may come around ONE day, but in the meantime figure out what YOU want to be.

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    1. Very good point! I'm getting better at remembering that, thank you. <3

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    2. You're welcome, I'm glad that I helped. Also, I looked at your older posts and saw that you wanted to be a therapist. You may want to know in order to continue with that career path that you do need a collage degree.

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    3. My future plans are always in revision, haha. I've realized that I am still able to be there and help people without taking that path. I am now planning to go to a biblical school of studies and afterwards pursing a path of a dental assistant.

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